I can't take the credit for the below letter, but today while going through my FB posts from last year to add to my Memory Board on my website, I came across this 'Dear Mommy and Daddy letter', I'd forgotten all about it.
I remember I was having some really difficult few weeks last August and I remember how it suddenly it put everything in perspective for me as a new Mummy to a 2.5 year old.
I read it and I just 'got it', it all just suddenly made sense to me and I think I sat back and relaxed for the first time in months. It made me realise that I was the one who was the adult and just because I knew how to do things, didn't mean my little lady did.! I was trying too hard and only frustrating myself most of the time. It was time to let her learn with my guidance and be a leader to her, rather than me 'telling her' what she should or shouldn't be doing !
So, having read it again today and when I get frustrated with My Little Lady later on or tomorrow or next week, whenever it is, I must think about this letter and I think because the 'letter' is written from a child's perspective it grounds me, calms me down and I think to myself, right, how do I explain what it is I want her to do.......or not do!. It makes for a much calmer life and means I can enjoy my time with her instead. Although don't get me wrong....she can still rattle me at times!!
I also remember the very next day I took my little lady out for lunch and took the time to just enjoy each other, she could eat how she wanted, sit how she wanted, drop the fork a million times on the table making a noise and accidently spill her water if that's what it takes for her to learn in her own pace without me shouting do's and don'ts at her. We had a lovely time.
Here's the letter..... hope it may help some of you too. x
Dear Mommy and Daddy,
It’s me, your anxious toddler. I know I don’t normally have the words to explain my behavior and at times I probably really frustrated you. I am sorry. I frustrate myself too.
I am not trying to be difficult and I am not a bad kid, but sometimes things just get overwhelming.
Like in the mornings when you ask me if I want waffles or pancakes. Waffles sound good, but when I see them I know I definitely made the wrong choice and I cry and say I wanted pancakes. Decisions are hard for me and I am afraid I might make the wrong choice — and I often do. Sometimes I might go back and forth with what I want and confuse us both.
Food is scary. You sometimes put things on my plate that look and smell weird. I get upset when I think the food is nice and smooth and then my tongue finds lumps. Sometimes this makes me want to throw up. I might spit my food out or gag. I am not trying to waste food. Sometimes food has a strong taste and I get overwhelmed. To be safe, I try to stick with foods that I have already seen and I already know how they taste in my mouth. You call me “picky” — I don’t know what that means, but if it means not gagging or tasting yucky food — then yes, I am!
I like to know where you are. I follow you everywhere. When you leave the room I get scared because I don’t feel safe. I know when you are with me, you’ll keep me safe. Sometimes I don’t play because I want to make sure I know where you are going. I hate it when you go to the bathroom and don’t let me in. Only my little fingers can get under the door. I wish I could squish my whole self under! I stay very close now so you don’t have time to disappear.
The toilet is not my friend. I don’t know why you want me to sit on that scary thing with a huge hole. What if I fall. What if it swallows me. What if bugs come out of the toilet. What if water splashes on me. What if I have to wipe and can’t get clean. I am okay with peeing really fast, but I don’t like to sit there and poop.
Sometimes it hurts my bottom to poop, so I just hold it in. Sometimes I hold it in for so long, small little poop balls fall out of my pants. I know you think that is gross - but I can’t help it. Sometimes I hold my pee and poop and it starts to hurt. I bounce around and hold my bottom and you tell me to go - but I tell you I don’t have to go. There is no way I am sitting on that scary potty.
Night time is the scariest time of day. Everything gets dark and you put me in a room all by myself. I worry there might be bugs in my room. Scary things are in the corners, but you tell me they are “shadows” - whatever that means. You tell me you will keep me safe, but then you leave. Am I safe if you are not with me? Are there scary things that you need to protect me from?
I don’t like shutting my eyes — what if something pops out or tries to get me. Sometimes you will lie down with me, but I can’t relax because I know if I close my eyes you will leave! I listen and feel for the bed to move so I can catch you before you leave. Sometimes I see you trying to sneak out, but I cry and get you back in bed!
I know dressing me is a hassle. Trust me — it is a hassle for me too. Whose idea was it that we should all wear clothes? I love to just run around naked. You tell me I have to at least wear underwear. Whatever! Socks are the worst. Why should I wear these things that make my feet hot and have big bumps on my toes. I can feel these bumps in my shoes.
Shoes! Uggh — don’t get me started on that crazy invention! I hate shoes. Sometimes they feel too loose, sometimes they are too tight. I want my feet to breath — so flip flops or crocs are good. I wish I could wear those all the time.
The things my mom calls “tags” are another huge problem. Who thought it would be a good idea to have an itchy piece of fabric attached to all my clothes. I can feel it scratching my back as I walk. I try to rip at it and finally just rip off the whole shirt. You yell at me to put my clothes back on. I hate clothes.
I don’t deal well with change. I have been meaning to talk to you about this. Don’t tell me we are going to the park and then tell me we “ran out of time.” Where did time run off to?
Sometimes I am just getting into something and you tell me to clean up. I can’t leave my square half done. My square still needs that pink feather glued to it and I wanted to add the sparkles too. There is no way I am leaving my square! We battle a lot. I win sometimes.
I know some of these things can get very annoying. I am new to the world and I am just learning how to adapt and get around. Sometimes the sounds, smells and noises of life scare me. New experiences can be overwhelming and worry me.
I see so many things that can hurt me. Things you may not think are scary but are scary to me. Like the ducks at the zoo or the loud garbage truck. I know you tell me it is “just this” or “just that” — but I don’t know that — I am just learning.
So be patient with me. Pick your battles. Talk in a calming voice — even when I am screaming at the top of my lungs. You are my anchor in my crazy world — and one day I will really really appreciate it! I promise!